The Road to Damascus- Some Thoughts on Total Submission


As it comes up to the anniversary of my first meeting with Madame Catarina it is hard to remember what my life was like before. It is strange to think that back then in what seems  a lifetime ago, despite all those years of attending sessions with mistresses and all the experiences I was still at heart a novice

Looking back I realise I had no real concept of what slavery meant as I climbed the staircase to Madame Catarina’s saloon that first time. I am sure I thought quite honestly and genuinely that I was ready to be used as Madame Catarina’s slave but despite all my experiences I had not realised one simple fact…and that  was that ‘slavery is a state of mind’.

On reflection it was only after I had undergone baptism into Madame Catarina’s slavery that this simple truth became clear to me.  Madame Catarina had instructed me to wear my necklace with a tag which marked me as her property prior to my baptism. This simple act slowly but surely increased her power over me. The act of getting the tag made had meant that I had to announce to several strangers in the shop that I was the property of Madame Catarina. Removing the necklace to shower or to bathe was a constant reminder of her ownership of me and replacing the necklace afterwards was like being fitted with my collar in her saloon. She was with me constantly and I rejoiced in her ownership of me. I could feel so many subtle changes in my mind set as she dominated my dreams and waking thoughts, I desperately craved her commands and control and ached for her to use my body.

Prior to my baptism I had long thought myself not into pain but Madame Catarina put me right teaching me to embrace it as an act of worship…only minutes after my baptism ceremony I gazed adoringly into my owners eyes as she inserted a pinwheel into the eye of my cock and a whole new vista of slavery opened up within me.

With each new contact I had with Madame Catarina I could feel myself in a very real sense becoming more her property. With each new movie, email or session I could feel her slowly removing my taboos, fashioning me into a suitable slave and nurturing the longing within me for total domination. I am not sure if I experienced a road to Damascus moment but more a series of small steps that have lead me to a very special place.


I now know that the man that started the ascent into Madame Catarina’s studio a year ago is a distant memory. He no longer exists. Madame Catarina has taken him and forged him into a new creature. She has named that creature Slave PJ and he belongs to her completely and entirely. Madame Catarina in a very real sense is both my creator and my owner and I belong to her completely.

I know she delights in inflicting pain and controlling her slaves completely but more than this I know deep down that she is at the centre of everything. Serving her and being owned by her has become the single most important thing in my life. I am helpless and long only to be engulfed in her power and control and to submit to her completely…my life belongs to her. Now thanks to the various apps at her disposal my owner can monitor and control her property 24/7 which is as it should be.

Her power over me is not imaginary, it is very real and being Madame Catarina’s slave is now not so much what I want to be but who I am…It is a cornerstone of my self-identity…it defines me and in time her ownership will become as much a part of my existence as the air I breathe.


The profound changes that Madame Catarina has wrought in me have been incremental and I only realised how far I had travelled in my journey when I read some comments made by my owner on Facebook about Red Ass Day on 25th March at Studio Avalon. Madame Catarina attended the event as a special guest of Lady Stella. At the studio there were seven slaves kept in cells and three Mistresses. Each time a Mistress walked past a cell the slaves had to stand up. Madame Catarina mentions a butler slave responsible for foot massage and how the other slaves were used as human furniture, It is impossible to overstate the impact that this short description of the session by Madame Catarina has had on me.

I have always been a very shy person when it comes to discussing my innermost feelings. Not even with myself! My baptism into Madame Catarina’s slavery has changed that…hence this blog. I was quite taken aback with how excited Madame Catarina’s short blog made me feel. Twelve months ago the idea of being part of a group of slaves serving several mistresses would have been an anathema to me…but now all that has changed.

My new found status as Madame Catarina’s baptised slave has liberated me.from self-consciousness and the denial of my innermost desires that I have suffered from. My devotion to my goddess and owner far outweighs any other considerations and paradoxically my slavery has made me freer than have I been at any other time in my adult life. This realisation that I desire my total submission to my goddess is a revelation and represents a significant leap in my development as Madame Catarina’s slave.

Now the idea of being part of a stable of slaves owned by Madame Catarina excites me, it makes her ownership of me even more special and precious. The realisation that as her property, at a whim she can place me in the service of other mistresses or use me in any way she wishes is exciting at many levels. Not least is the notion that through becoming the slave of Madame Catarina I have become the slave of all should she decree this…a real and practical realisation of gynarchy . When I think of this the inside of my head feels like a Sardax drawing…checkout the Shanghai Bizarre images on his website…that is the inside of my head right now! (Click on images for links)



Mistress Ezada Sinn writes beautifully and eloquently about this subject in her blog. She outlines the differences between the collared and the un collared slave and the trust that exists between owner and slave and how the bond of ownership is so complete that the slave can be delivered into the use and service of other mistresses by his owner.

Mistress Ezada Sinn’s words are particularly poignant as she will be the host of the summer camp in Portugal that Madame Catarina will be attending in September


As Madame Catarina announces her attendance at this year’s German Fetish Ball in June

The new double trouble website under development



The summer camp in September and her recent attendance at the Red Ass Day I get a glimpse of what my slavery might entail in the future.

And I embrace it with all my heart and soul.


About Slave PJ

I am the property and 24/7 slave and butler of the divine Madam Catarina of Berlin.
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1 Response to The Road to Damascus- Some Thoughts on Total Submission

  1. Pingback: The Hidden Torture Farm | slavepj

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