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Recently an important anniversary passed.
I will not go into details but a date earlier this month marked my first visit to Madame Catarina. This was many years ago and as I sort of hoped it would at the time turned out to be a life changing experience.
As I sit here typing just one week away from the five month mark of being Madame Catarina’s live in 24/7 slave I cannot help but think how that day in April all those years ago changed my life. There is an account of that first session here. On reading it again…and many of my previous posts I cannot help wonder at my naivety.
I remember well the nervousness and anticipation I felt as I first climbed the stairs to Madame Catarina’s saloon .At the time I genuinely believed myself to be submissive, even though I had specified a list of taboos, but what Madame Catarina unlocked in me that day was something I had never experienced before and the die was cast.
Many years and a lot of training later I realise that although I believed myself to be submissive I was nothing of the sort, but thankfully Madame Catarina looked deep into my soul and saw beyond my limits and preferences to unlock the slave within.
As I sit here typing there are of course external symbols of my status as slave and property; the steel chastity device, the collar and the tags bearing my slave name and baptismal date that proclaim that I am her property. But these symbols are as nothing compared to the inner thoughts indelibly branded on my soul that I my status is simply Madame Catarina’s slave and property.
Every waking moment (and probably when I am sleeping as well) is dedicated to the service of my Goddess and Mistress and I am more fulfilled than at any point in my life before. Of course it is not all plain sailing, I make mistakes and frequently irritate my Mistress with my clumsiness and ineptitude for which I am punished…obviously…and sometimes I am punished just because Madame Catarina enjoys punishing me, which is the best punishment a slave can hope for.
It is well documented in these pages that my BDSM preferences have never been centred on masochism, to paraphrase Woody Allen…’my doctor told me I was allergic to pain’. I have never been a big masochist and I have always been a bit of a wimp. Over the years Madame Catarina has taught me to embrace the pain she inflicts, always stretching my perceived limits…I should point out that this is solely because I am her 24/7 slave and property and that her ownership of me is total…but these thoughts are really just a preamble to the events of last week .
Madame Catarina had decided to test out a new device she had custom built by a slave from her inner circle. The device is specially designed to Madame Catarina’s specifications …very cruel specifications I might add …for the purpose of CBT and I am not talking Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Madame Catarina had decided to invite a favourite masochist slave to her dungeon to film the device being road tested. As usual I was helping out in the background, preparing the dungeon and helping the camera crew set up the lighting, etc.
All was set for the filming to begin with the device and the masochist slave all prepared…and of course Madame Catarina looking amazing in leather and high heels. As the cameras began to roll and Madame Catarina began to enjoy herself with her slave something happened. Sadly the slave passed out and could not continue…I hasten to add he was okay after a sit down and rest…but this left a bit of a problem with the filming. Or so I thought.
But there was no need to worry as Madame Catarina simply instructed me to take his place. I did so with some trepidation but this was far outweighed by the excitement and anticipation, together with a deep feeling of inner pleasure at being able to truly serve my Mistress and Goddess. Before long I was naked and hooded at my Mistresses feet and when asked how much of a cock beating I could take. I simply replied ‘I guess we shall find out very soon Madame’ much to my Mistresses amusement.
To find out what happened next I guess you will have to watch the movie.
Of course I am still a wimp and cannot take what Madame Catarina’s genuinely masochistic slaves take…and the movie is punctuated with my ‘little girl’ screams but something happened deep inside me during the filming. I genuinely relished and savoured each strike of the whip, crops and canes on a cock that was already sensitive having spent two months encased in a steel chastity device. My mind was greedy for more…although my body seemed to have different ideas.
The ecstasy I felt as Madame Catarina decided to milk my bruised and battered cock and force feed me my cum was quite unlike anything I have ever experienced. It was quite simply a religious as well as physical experience. It was an act of worship.
As I washed my cock afterwards I gazed at the black, red and blue bruising and the marks from the riding crops on my thighs and knew that this was no fantasy…this was my life now. Total ownership, total slavery, total control and I would not have it any other way.
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